The 14 Celebrity Big Brother housemates REVEALED

With just three days until Celebrity Big Brother is launched I can (not so) exclusively reveal the 14 housemates who will be gracing the Borehamwood bungalow for the next 4 weeks.

The line up features… 4x reality show trash members, 3x actors, 3x people known for generating column inches and not having been on TV etc, aaand a partridge in a pear tree.

In an amazing production feat, unlike Love Island, they all have different names, so we can rejoice at that at least.

I won’t make you wait any longer.. Here we go!

benBen Jardine

Ben was on a show called Married at First Sight. (No, me either).

Apparently he’s a big nobhead and dumped his girlfriend that he was with on the program via a radio show. She claims she had no idea the end of the relationship was coming.

Classy dude.

How long until the Great British Public decide to dump his ass? Time will tell.


chloeChloe Ayling

Chloe is a model who rose to media attention when she was kidnapped for 6 days after being lured to a photo shoot in Italy.

There have been accusations thrown at her that the kidnapping never actually happened, and was nothing more than a publicity stunt.

However, since then, her captor has been placed on trial and found guilty, and now Chloe is entering the house after previously slating the show. I wonder why$$$.


danDan Osborne

Dan was on The Only Way is Essex and therefore I automatically dislike him and want him gone.

Dan has reportedly cheated on his wife Jacqueline Jossa with former Love Island trash Gabby Allen, therefore I automatically dislike him and want him gone.

Dan is entering the house just weeks after wife Jacqueline has given birth to their latest child, therefore I automatically dislike him and want him gone.


gabbyGabby Allen

Gabby is a former Love Island trash contestant and spent her time on the show pretending to like former Blazin’ Squad member Marcel for the magazine deals when they left.

Marcel ended up cheating on her because who knew love isn’t created by forcing people to bonk on reality TV. Marcel claimed that Gabby slept with Dan Osborne… It could be an interesting few weeks.

Poor Jacqueline Jossa..


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jermaineJermaine Pennant

Jermaine Pennant is a former bad boy of football.

He played for Arsenal, Birmingham City and Liverpool during his career but never reached the hype that surrounded his early years.

Jermaine was sent to prison for a few months in 2005 for continued driving offences.


kirstieKirstie Alley

Kirstie is a bona-fide US actress, having appeared in hit shows Cheers and Scream Queens during her time.

Clearly US TV doesn’t pay as well as we thought, so welcome to the Celebrity Big Brother house Kirstie!

She’s also a whack-job who follows the psychotic church of Scientology.


Natalie Nunn

Was on some US trash reality show called Bad Girls Club (no, me neither).

Yep, that’s as exciting as this signing gets. I’m not even going to give her the accolade of a photo.

nickNick Leeson

Nick was thrown in to prison in Singapore for 6 and a half years after losing Barings Bank more than £800 million.

Nick was released in 1999 diagnosed with cancer, although has since miraculously turned his life around and is now a best-selling author.

I guess not that best-selling, because welcome to the Celebrity Big Brother house Naughty Nick!


rodrigoRodrigo Alves

You’ll know Rodrigo from being one of those “I had all this plastic surgery to look like x but now I just look like a complete twonk” stories.

In this case, Rodrigo wanted to look like Ken, from Barbie and Ken, and he does, if Ken took a really bad turn with crack.

More than £500,000 to create that look. Makes me a lot more confident that I’ve spent £0 on mine.


roxanneRoxanne Pallett

Roxanne was in Emmerdale, but has been offered a reported £750,000 to take part in this series of Celebrity Big Brother.

Part of me wonders just how “last-minute” a signing this was to replace John Leslie who reportedly dropped out just weeks ago.

She was in a bad car crash very recently. Resulting in some bruising.


ryanRyan Thomas

Ryan Thomas was in Corrie, but has since realised the real money is to be found by appearing on reality TV. What a time to be alive.

His brothers have appeared on both I’m a Celebrity and Love Island.

Are the Thomas’ trying to be the new male and British Kardashians?


sallySally Morgan

TV Psychic Sally Morgan was Princess Diana’s personal psychic. Who knew!

Some very skeptical people have claimed that Sally’s powers are faked. Now where on earth would they get that insane idea?



stormyStormy Daniels

Stormy Daniels is a porn star. Who claims to have banged Donald Trump and has made something of a career out of that lately.

At the end of the day, she slept with Donald Trump, so if they give her a fermented egg to eat, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it, she’s had far older and worse things in her mouth.

Mystery Guest

That’s right, there’s one more! But you’re not allowed to know. So watch the launch on Thursday and get ready for a storm!

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Posted on August 13, 2018, in Big Brother, Media and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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